Director: Marcus Nispel
Starring: Karl Urban, Clancy Brown, Moon Bloodgood
Yet another movie to my list of Terrible Movies Karl Urban Has Been In. It’s sad, really, because he’s an amazing actor but somehow ends up in these terrible, terrible movies. This one is possibly one of the worst.
This movie is basically a Kiwi playing a Viking who was raised by Native Indians. Yes, you read that right. Karl Urban, the Kiwi King, is a Viking (he looks nothing like a Scandanavian) who is raised by Native Indians. Now, I give everyone a chance, I don’t really care about your skin colour or whatever (I’m one of the few people who don’t really care if Johnny Depp is Tonto, stop being so childish about it, it’s a movie for god’s sake), but even Karl Urban can’t pull this off. I’ve actually been informed since watching this that there is actually an original Scandanavian version of this movie and I assume it’s much, much better than this strange version of the tale (which I think is supposed to be true?).
If you watch the trailer, it’s so cliche and bad, and it’s exactly what to expect from the movie. It’s painful to watch, it’s so bad. A white horse leads an Indian lady to where an abandoned Viking ship is with a small child left on his own. That’s so, so original, I know. However, as bad as the film is, I had a lot of fun tweeting about how bad it was and ranting to my friends about it. The effects are hilariously terrible, and the imagery is a lot darker than most ‘Indian’ movies are. Whoever came up with this version needs a good talking to – one scene that had be staring, mouth open, was when the abandoned Viking boy (who is now an Indian) kills a bunch of invading Vikings by having them fall into some cold water. THEY ARE VIKINGS! A BIT OF COLD WATER ISN’T GOING TO BOTHER THEM! That’s like drying to scare a Scotsman by threatening to make him wear a skirt!
Really, this movie is just bad. So, so very bad. Please don’t watch this movie. Please. Just don’t.