Movie Review: Truth About Demons

Title: Truth About Demons
Released: 2000
Director: Glen Standring
Starring: Karl Urban, Katie Wolfe
Rating: 1/5

This movie tops my llist of Terrible Movies Karl Urban Has Been In. This movie was just so messed up I had no idea what the hell was going on half the time. I didn’t appreciate the leader of the demonic cult looking like Anton LaVey, and naming him ‘LaValliant’ was a bit of a kick in the teeth to those who are actually interested in the Church of Satan (not saying that I am, but I am saying it’s not the crazy, animal sacrifing cult people like to pretend it is).

This movie was just a mess. You didn’t know what was going on half the time, and really, the whole thing was a mess. I can’t even try to give it a proper review. I’m glad Kiwi movies have improved since 2000.

Movie Review: Riddick

Title: Riddick
Released: 2013
Director: David Twohy
Starring: Vin Diesel, Dave Bautista, Karl Urban, Katie Sackoff
Rating: 3/5

Those of you that read my review will already know that I don’t like the Riddick movies. They just bore me and I get annoyed with them. Saying that, however, I really enjoyed the recent movie. I went into that cinema screen expecting to hate it with a firey passion, but I came out thinking it was the best in the series, if I’m honest.

After the catastrophe that was The Chronicles of Riddick, I think fans were wondering how the hell this story and character could be saved. Well, they managed it. Yes, the movie was more or less retconned and we got rid of the whole Necromongers thing within the first five minutes, but it worked, so no one is complaining. (Okay, maybe I’m complaining a little, because Karl Urban was in the movie for like, 30 seconds, and I wasn’t happy about that at all.)

The story line is much more simple and enjoyable, and I don’t think you even need to have seen the previous movies to enjoy this one. One big improvement from the previous movies is the special effects – they are MUCH better this time around and completely believable in my opinion. The cast were also a big improvement, and they all seemed to work really well on screen (Katie Sackoff has been added to my YES PLEASE crush list). The Dingo Dongo that Riddick more or less adopts (and never does get named, I don’t think) just melted my heart, and Riddick looking after it was brilliant.

If I’m completely honest, the only problem I had with this whole movie was that Dahl (Sackoff) flirted back with Riddick when she would fight back against anyone else – she’s a lesbian, and she made it very clear she didn’t like guys flirtying with her, but the second Riddick opens his mouth she’s his, it seems, and I don’t like that at all. (Though, I suppose I have a cheek – I don’t date guys but if Chris Pine or Karl Urban were to flirt with me I’d probably swoon.)

Whilst I wouldn’t say this movie is a blockbuster or even in the top ten movies of this year, it’s definitely enjoyable and I think the fans will love it. This movie more or less saved the ass of this franchise, so it should be given some respect.

Movie Review: Pathfinder

Title: Pathfinder
Released: 2007
Director: Marcus Nispel
Starring: Karl Urban, Clancy Brown, Moon Bloodgood
Rating: 2/5

Yet another movie to my list of Terrible Movies Karl Urban Has Been In. It’s sad, really, because he’s an amazing actor but somehow ends up in these terrible, terrible movies. This one is possibly one of the worst.

This movie is basically a Kiwi playing a Viking who was raised by Native Indians. Yes, you read that right. Karl Urban, the Kiwi King, is a Viking (he looks nothing like a Scandanavian) who is raised by Native Indians. Now, I give everyone a chance, I don’t really care about your skin colour or whatever (I’m one of the few people who don’t really care if Johnny Depp is Tonto, stop being so childish about it, it’s a movie for god’s sake), but even Karl Urban can’t pull this off. I’ve actually been informed since watching this that there is actually an original Scandanavian version of this movie and I assume it’s much, much better than this strange version of the tale (which I think is supposed to be true?).

If you watch the trailer, it’s so cliche and bad, and it’s exactly what to expect from the movie. It’s painful to watch, it’s so bad. A white horse leads an Indian lady to where an abandoned Viking ship is with a small child left on his own. That’s so, so original, I know. However, as bad as the film is, I had a lot of fun tweeting about how bad it was and ranting to my friends about it. The effects are hilariously terrible, and the imagery is a lot darker than most ‘Indian’ movies are. Whoever came up with this version needs a good talking to – one scene that had be staring, mouth open, was when the abandoned Viking boy (who is now an Indian) kills a bunch of invading Vikings by having them fall into some cold water. THEY ARE VIKINGS! A BIT OF COLD WATER ISN’T GOING TO BOTHER THEM! That’s like drying to scare a Scotsman by threatening to make him wear a skirt!

Really, this movie is just bad. So, so very bad. Please don’t watch this movie. Please. Just don’t.

Movie Review: And Soon the Darkness

Title: And Soon the Darkness
Released: 2010
Director: Marcos Efron
Starring: Karl Urban, Amber Heard, Odette Annable
Rating: 2/5

It’s rather sad, how bad my love for Karl Urban is. At this point I will watch anything with him in it, and that means I’m watching some terrible, terrible movies. And Soon the Darkness isn’t the worst he’s been in, but it was certainly not the best.

The movie starts off a little too much like Hostel for me – some young girls backpacking around the world, and that vibe sticks throughout the whole movie. The more I watch movies like this, however, the more I know I’m probably going to die on my next holiday.

The movie is so stereotypical it hurts: the girl trying to get over her asshole ex-boyfriend, going on holiday with her best friend, having a fight and then one of them gets kidnapped. It’s like the writers weren’t even trying, and to top it off, it feels like the movie takes forever to start, it’s just so slow and you’re just waiting for something to happen (and when it does, it’s so painfully obvious). Being stereotypical, there’s obviously the obligatory ‘almost rape’ scene which really bores me these days – we don’t need that in a movie, okay? If it’s not central to the plot then it’s not needed, we don’t need to see that or be left with that bitter taste in our mouths. And thene there’s the fact that whilst the movie seems to slow, other parts are so rushed it feels like ‘blink and you’ll miss it’.

Being billed as a Karl Urban movie is pretty dumb, considering he’s barely even in it, and when he is his character is so cliche (guy looking for kidnapped girlfriend and meets girl looking for kidnapped friend). His betrayal was so ovbious and it was as if Urban wasn’t even acting, and it’s sad to see such an amazing actor in such a stupid role.

The movie is just boring, in my opinion, and a waste of time. It’s like they makers saw Hostel and wanted to remake it but pretend it was completely different, which it isn’t really, it’s just not as gorey. I really wouldn’t advise anyone to watch this, not even if your a huge fan of any of the cast, because you’ll just be left disappointed.

Movie Review: Ghost Ship

Title: Ghost Ship
Released: 2002
Director: Steve Beck
Starring: Julianna Marguiles, Gabriel Byrne, Karl Urban
Rating: 3/5

Okay, so this isn’t the first time I’ve seen Ghost Ship. I remember it being released when I was about 16 or so and if I’m honest, I thought it was terrible. This was supposed to be a horror movie and I sat there laughing, insulted by this attempt at scaring me.

However, I’m grown since then, I’m much (much /o\) older and I can appreciate movies for what they are now. A ‘horror’ movie doesn’t need to be scary to be enjoyable. As a huge fan of horror movies, most of my favourites don’t scare me at all, but I love them so much.

So, upon rewatching Ghost Ship, I was able to enjoy it for what it is – a good ghost story. For it’s time, this movie has great effects, a great story, and a great cast. We see a young Emily Browning and a long haired Karl Urban. The movie was so much better when I watched it again, and it turned out to be just the kind of ghost story I love – a demon-like creature collecting souls, a haunted ship, some half decent characters (of course I had a soft spot for Munder), and the effects were really good considering the movie was made in 2002 (which, although it doesn’t seem that long ago to me, it was actually over 11 years ago!).

If you’re looking for a good wee ghost movie this haunting month and you haven’t seen this, give it a go – it’s actually rather funny and quite enjoyable when you sit down to it 🙂

Movie Review: The Chronicles of Riddick

Title: The Chronicles of Riddick
Released: 2004
Director: David Twohy
Starring: Vin Diesel, Karl Urban, Thandie Newton
Rating: 2/5

I’m not a huge Vin Diesel fan, nor did I enjoy Pitch Black at all. However, I am a huge Karl Urban fan, and with Riddick about to be released in cinemas, I thought I should give this movie a chance – plus, I can’t complain about a movie if I haven’t seen it (look at all you Twilight haters that have never watched the movie or read the book!).

This movie just didn’t do anything for me. I found it boring, a little cheesy, and just…boring. Vin Diesel’s acting just seemed so flat, though I will say some of his one liners had me giggling. Thandie Newton as Dame Vaako just pissed me off, and in my honest opinion, the only good thing about this movie was Karl Urban in eyeliner.

The CGI was pretty bad, and I’m not going to excuse it for the year it was released – Lord of the Rings came out before it and that looks a lot more believable than these ‘monsters’. And the change in ‘Jack”s character was a bit extreme, but that’s just my opinion.

In the end, I didn’t like this film at all, and it’s put me off going to see Riddick when it’s released next week. I probably will, because I’ll go see anything with Karl Urban, but let’s face it, he’s the only good thing about it.